ASS: good ass it gets

There was a pain

in my ass

that pain

was me

no matter how hard I tried

how long I pulled

I could not

get my head out of my ass

Therefore, my ass, has become,

my head.

on student loans

These are all just made up stories. None of this was real. Never ever. The fantasy, You can get an education and it will cost you just as much as everyone else.

In retrospect it was all worth it.

Less the never we persist to exist.
Did it ever make sense?
Existence?
or the lack of it?
The inconsolable lack of luster
The decisions I make to get that feeling.
The feeling that I am alive
When is being honorable just torture?
Can there be honesty in mistakes?
Can I let my debt own and control my life and my reason for being?
YES, and I have.
this belittles the real question
which is
should I?
Is it sane?
When I only get one life, and one existence
Can I waste it all on dead ended meaningless work.
Push back my passion and let existence, every waking hour be filled with work that I don't love.

My soul is aching for more
can I make, with respect and honor and love for my own life
can I give that life to honor decisions and mistakes of the past?
For what?
Good credit?

Should I let my debt ruin, own, persist to control and obliterate my youth and therefore my future.

Is there any honor in that? Hard work. Hard lessons. hard won money. hard life. hard heart.

I know I'm just another whiney artist
but am I even artist if I cannot create the way I want to?
or am I dying?
A dying artist.
Like a dying star.
I will not go out without a bang. I will insist to persist and I will do it with great integrity for if I lose myself
I lose everything.

I am what is really at stake

Money is not.

Money is not a variable in this equation. It is an obstacle. My love is what is at stake.