Notes on Camus

Okay so I know I'm on a serious literati binge. I just bought the Notebooks on Albert Camus and I find them to be surprisingly fresh. Meaning that I find them super insightful and well I will just...........


START.

"He gives no details about the different jobs he took to earn a living, or about his other personal and emotional difficulties, but the honesty with which he mentions his horror of work and the frequency with which he returns to the problem of loneliness do invite us to make a number of guesses about the kind of person he was:"

Just the whole sentence. I mean work, where do I begin, it really tears at me to have to wake up and do something I do not love. Although, I do appreciate the perspective which I have opportunity to gain through experience about the importance of doing what one loves if only for the preservation of the soul.

On loneliness: I may find the most loneliness in the interstitial. In the longing for something else when the present wont do. Within myself when the outside cannot distract. Outside when the superficial attacks conversation. It is found everywhere. In the same essence solace can be found everywhere both things can be healthy and unhealthy. I find the most fruitful thought when I am by myself. but in those instances I don't feel alone, my mind is alive and fervent building the world around us and making sense of the colors that we cant even see.

I enjoyed this: "Life is short and it is a sin to waste one's time. I waste my time all day long while other people say I do a great deal"                            

To never feel finished. Seems to just be a state of existence.

" I ask of people more than they can give me. It is useless to maintain the contrary. But what a mistake and what despair. And myself perhaps....."

This one, the most throbbing of all.

" You go to see an older friend to tell him everything. Or, at least, something which is stifling you. But he is in a hurry. You talk about everything and about nothing at all. The time to speak has gone. And here I am, more alone and empty than before. How a careless word from a friend escaping my presence will lay waste this feeble wisdom that I am trying to construct! 'Non ridere, no lugere (from Nietzsche: The meaning of knowing.— Non ridere, non lugere, neque detestari, sed intelligere! [Not to laugh, not to lament, nor to detest but to understand.]) .... and doubts about myself and about other people."


I guess I could relate to that. I always seem to lean towards the deeper conversation. I dont always meet up with equal fascination about the meaning of this and that. Right versus wrong. and of course my guilt ridden youth has gutted some conversation of mine for a while. So i relate to not being able to relate. not always but that paragraph did strike me. I felt it, before, those feelings, that longing, the need. Sometimes one must look within.

Camus also loves talking about the weather. Which I love too. Small talk to some but it's everywhere. The weather. Everyone sees it and knows it, and thats amazing. Wow ignore my weather lust.


Last for now. Camus writes in March 1936

"my joy is endless"

Just thought to end on a nice note. hope you EnJOYed <3

-beca

p.s. Does anybody read this?

ALways Been Good at

Always been good at knowing what I don't want.
but happenstance
came upon something I did want
that may or may not belong to someone else
Problem? not really. I am not the type to cross those lines.

actually just curious about the implications that there's "something" that I know I want
no more maybe melancholy, uh I dunno, let me think about it. I just know. thats cool! thats super cool and it's not weird and not nervous it just is and that's weird. Well maybe for now I don't get what I want and for some reason I'm not at odds and ends about it, because it feels right to want that and have to wait. not sure. this is vague. im a silly idiot. please dont read

kiln is getting worked on today. this process takes a long longer than I prefer to even consider as a time frame. What I mean is this has taken fucking forever and that's a long time!!

hopefully, I will get a clear idea of how much of a dunce I am at wiring and exponentially improve my skills.

Does anyone read this? I hope not look at that awful picture. I should be ashamed to post it. all broken and stuff so sad like a puppy with a broken leg in a puddle. my imaginations is so morbid and cute.

anywho Im off to the other blog. SEE YA SOON!

Travelling

I have decided to travel more. HOW?
work all over the world perhaps....gotta get out and meet every fucking body. plus i've some interesting people that I would love to see again.

thinking always with the thinking..........STOP !
haha
well anywhoo was just watching some Dexter sinister word art and boy do I love it when people use the word entropy I swear it gets me every time. one of my favorite subjects, ordered chaos anyone?  thats what I fell like I am, ORDERED CHAOS!

well it is time to go to bed again and I am alive with thought, working on these jewelry projects and decided to incorporate wood and plastic with some glass things I have been fiddling with. on the verge of some phenomenally  beautiful designs. Consider the juxtapositions of wood and glass. hard and the soft working together like some well rounded yin yang of jewelry. mouth watering, i know.
at some point going to incorporate metallics........ just force of habit it's in my nature. MMM Shiny fire objects. it's a wonder why I hate glitter so much.

STUFFING

Mad love for Minaj's - Right by my side. LOL. not sure i like it but that shit is catchy.

catchy like crabs gotta scratch that itch.

Went the the International Contemporary Furniture Fair today. HELLA AWESOME. Let me just say WOW! and the javits center what a huge fucking space. I have to say i love the 3-d printed jewelry that attaches piece by piece to create any type pf structure that one might want. I'm not a big furniture buff but Virginia Tech was creating some wonderfully clever window screenings out of spring steel that would make some of the most wonderful blinds anyone has ever seen. I hope it catches on, those students were so on the money.

i never forgot about dre

well it is late and time to rest. i want to stay up lately though I want to use all my time ALL THE TIME> ALL OF IT IS valuable and fleeting.

mothers day is over. odd emotions struck today i called my mo, twice to make sure she knew she was loved.

trying not to sweat the small stuff just let it work out and get shit done.

I went to the frieze art fair and it was amazing. I went to chelsea last thursday and it was odd some young women mean mugged me and then I realized that next time I go i should wear sunglasses so people cant see me.

CHanges are to come soon. pictures and changes. :)

life is so interesting around here. I'm meeting some amazing people and gaining new perspectives on the challenges and happening s of being a human being.

one thing is for sure it is not easy for me and that's okay. I have faith i will figure it out because like some sort of mad scientist it is all I can thing about. HOW TO? WHEN ? whats best? well i will relax in my thoughts now and go to bed wake up work and come to my conclusions on the subway

Drive.

SO someone should drive me to the scrapyard in exchange for......... something cool?

ahh i dont know, gas and uh something cool.

I will make a to do list.
1.troubleshoot welder.
2. Call Jomar
3. make price list.
4. clean room again.
5. finally check work e-mail.
6. clean up supply closet.
7. take pictures
8. Publish and use Visual resume.

write actual blog entry?
buy candy
eat candy
SLEEP