Inactive

ever read a book and are unsatisfied with the ending because you needed to read more?

maybe the ending of any great book is hard to let go of, WHY CANT THIS STORY KEEP GOING??

just a weird thought, as I ramble on about the last few months, I have had this air of inactivity.

who I aspire to be has been the same for 7 years. no question.

i have sort of been shut off lately in a way. Partly on purpose, I've been gaining some weird understanding about myself. About things handed down by generations. It's amazing, how far back some things can go. I asked a really hard question today. A question that will improve my life. I stood up for myself in a way. I took an initiative that the thought of doing had turned my vibrant soul into a cowering listless little sod.

thank you sculpture Gods?

tomorrow is another one of my great days off.

My plans are vast and unrelenting.

Rebeca Acosta list

My feelings
General feeling I.e. sad. Happy etc,

Intentions

Use of color

Use of material

Use of meaning

Body dismorphing

Femininity not used as a statement of womanhood but more for self identity ( self portrait.)

Implied movement . Very important. Think berninis David

Favorite inspirational things
Francis Bacon, pope paintings muscular studies etc,

Chroma phobia by DAVID BATCHELOR

movie, the Science of sleep. Which exemplifies the dissociation between reality and dreams that can occur, I sometimes relate to

Love me if you Dare. A movie about how immaturity and love can collide in a very disastrous manor.

Amelie, artistic romance classic, epic color palate

Catcher I the rye. Psychologically one of the most enthralling books I've ever read,

Nirvana,....need I say more

Wish I could be there : notes from an agoraphobic life. A very good book that challenges our fears and phobias and urges people struggling with compulsions to look to their past for answers. Basically stating that the answers or reasons for o see demons is within our own minds.

So this was an old list I made about things that I look to when I make a piece of work.

thingsies.

Talking to new people is exciting

feeling like at any moment im going to say something and you will realize I am a horrifying monster.

The world is an interesting place

I sometimes feel like I'm living 8 different lives. Where do they all collide? Will they ever?

Does anyone else feel like they have many different lives in different places at all times?

I'm being vague again.

Me Oh My

So I am 25 now.
WOW WEE

Hanging out with an old friend is making me feel like I am changing a Lot./

I just dont care about things I used to. like going out and drinking to get drunk. 

I mean I can enjoy those things dont get me wrong but I uh. Well I feel the need to savor my time and use it to be productive. I have a passion and goals and I think hanging out with people who dont have those things really just makes me bored. the worst feeling is that of wasting time. I just cant stand the whole doing shots "im so wasted" "lets get fucked up" part of our culture. Escapism is raping us of real experiences.

I want to be around people that want to enrich their lives and become better than who they are.

thats what I am doing. thats where I am at in my life.

just more thoughts.

<3 br="">
Beca

i feel sick

I is a sick,

it makes me a sad

sick = sad.

beebop

i got the first round of the gaurdasil shots yesterday. GROSS. Everyone should get it, boys too. Ovarian cancer is one of the deadliest forms of cancer.

ok I will go away now.
Also does anyone else notice the revival of the HIV virus in the media?

Something funny. I spoke to one of my roommates about the gaurdasil shot, and she was like "it hurts so bad" so for some reason I thought people received the shot in the vagina. and I was a bit worried about getting a vaginal shot. DUH! cuz that's weird. and also who would complain about a shot in the arm? I mean yeah it hurts a bit but, as young american adults we have spent the better half of our lives being poked with immunizations  My other roommate informed me that it was just in the arm and we had a big laugh about it.

so glad I don't have anxiety about shots in the arm. I do look away, but that because when I look at it I always get a bit of anticipation before it goes it, like some odd thought "Okay it is gonna hurt soon"

oh yeah I have had this cough for like 4 months....................it's getting old.

if you don't know, do your research.

Wet Pain

LOL

creepy title.

ok so, I am in an art show that recruited the artists by finding OK Cupid profiles from artists with one.

it is such a clever idea I really enjoy the concept. Because it is a dating art show. Theoretically, it would be a win/win for me, a person who had an OkCupid! and is an artist. right?

Except I have never used it for a date, or even gotten close to one. I am open to the idea, dont get me wrong but when push comes to shove, I haven't met anybody interesting enough to even see once or I suspect I am not ready at all to date. In fact, I would never even ask anybody on a date at this point in my life. I am way too self involved right now. A relationship with me would be one sided. that side would be wherever the garbage can was located.

So, I Rebeca Acosta have succeeded in getting an art show out of a dating website before attaining a date.

WTF ha. I think it's great, almost anomalous. I also think I may be fucking up the control of this social experiment. Whatever

shit happens and who knows I may find the love of my life.


the ability to be loved is just as important as being able to love. Just saying, dont touch me.

it would be cool if I could find out who reads this shit.....my google stats say a couple peeps. Someone in Germany too