awareness

Remember, the movie Clueless  ! About a young girl being completely unaware of the ripple effect of her superficial existence and in the end all for love.

For love? or maybe love was just something that happened naturally along the way.

I feel that most people are unaware of their rippling effect on others.

just a small small little bit of a thought I may elaborate on when I have spent more subways rides pondering my existential crisis.

I wonder if doctors or lawyers have inner fights with themselves. I also wonder who in the UK, Russia and germany is looking at this thing?

God save the queen? The proletariat?


stone carving                    versus               giving birth.    a comparison of creation.

lasts forever                                            80 years

hard work                                                sex
inexpensive                                           tons of money
cannot reverse damage                          cannot reverse damage
impresses people                                   scares people
can be done alone                                  involves collaboration
 

hmmmmmmmmmm. i think this is what one may call dingus

An answer

Whether it be psychology, poetry, science, astrology, art, or religion, they are all serving one function amongst many. they.are all looking for answers to our questions, the solutions to our problems and some meaning In the vast array of emptiness.

Accepting the vast array of infinities seems impossible or even inconceivable.

Inactive

ever read a book and are unsatisfied with the ending because you needed to read more?

maybe the ending of any great book is hard to let go of, WHY CANT THIS STORY KEEP GOING??

just a weird thought, as I ramble on about the last few months, I have had this air of inactivity.

who I aspire to be has been the same for 7 years. no question.

i have sort of been shut off lately in a way. Partly on purpose, I've been gaining some weird understanding about myself. About things handed down by generations. It's amazing, how far back some things can go. I asked a really hard question today. A question that will improve my life. I stood up for myself in a way. I took an initiative that the thought of doing had turned my vibrant soul into a cowering listless little sod.

thank you sculpture Gods?

tomorrow is another one of my great days off.

My plans are vast and unrelenting.

Rebeca Acosta list

My feelings
General feeling I.e. sad. Happy etc,

Intentions

Use of color

Use of material

Use of meaning

Body dismorphing

Femininity not used as a statement of womanhood but more for self identity ( self portrait.)

Implied movement . Very important. Think berninis David

Favorite inspirational things
Francis Bacon, pope paintings muscular studies etc,

Chroma phobia by DAVID BATCHELOR

movie, the Science of sleep. Which exemplifies the dissociation between reality and dreams that can occur, I sometimes relate to

Love me if you Dare. A movie about how immaturity and love can collide in a very disastrous manor.

Amelie, artistic romance classic, epic color palate

Catcher I the rye. Psychologically one of the most enthralling books I've ever read,

Nirvana,....need I say more

Wish I could be there : notes from an agoraphobic life. A very good book that challenges our fears and phobias and urges people struggling with compulsions to look to their past for answers. Basically stating that the answers or reasons for o see demons is within our own minds.

So this was an old list I made about things that I look to when I make a piece of work.

thingsies.

Talking to new people is exciting

feeling like at any moment im going to say something and you will realize I am a horrifying monster.

The world is an interesting place

I sometimes feel like I'm living 8 different lives. Where do they all collide? Will they ever?

Does anyone else feel like they have many different lives in different places at all times?

I'm being vague again.

Me Oh My

So I am 25 now.
WOW WEE

Hanging out with an old friend is making me feel like I am changing a Lot./

I just dont care about things I used to. like going out and drinking to get drunk. 

I mean I can enjoy those things dont get me wrong but I uh. Well I feel the need to savor my time and use it to be productive. I have a passion and goals and I think hanging out with people who dont have those things really just makes me bored. the worst feeling is that of wasting time. I just cant stand the whole doing shots "im so wasted" "lets get fucked up" part of our culture. Escapism is raping us of real experiences.

I want to be around people that want to enrich their lives and become better than who they are.

thats what I am doing. thats where I am at in my life.

just more thoughts.

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Beca