Well here I am. I know TRENDY! Williamsburg is so uh. well I do love the place. but I dont love my lifestyle seeing as although I live rent free in williamsburg I live out of a suitcase or three rather. HOW? and for 6 months trying to make it in this godforsaken city. I dunno if they should build mosque in ground zero but I sure want to make some more sculptures before I die.
I have jobs out my ass and I am so tired. Not of working but rather of not really making some art. I have sketches and tinkerings and proposals. I know VAPID. im bored just thinking about it. I need my machines and supplies and I just cant do it here. it would be rude to art up my aunts apartment. dear god how I would love to be rude. I cant be that rude it must be a texan modesty I have permanently acquired by well, growing up in Texas?
Fuck that place. Just kidding. I mean kinda. i might go back for christmas so I have to save face. I do look forward to not having soot on my face. my texas skin is so smooth and sweet.
I hate needing to have some private space to make work. I think i have always been that way. even when I shared a studio with dan I made a tent around my space to separate us. He seemed offended like we had been dating and I had broken up with him and was sleeping with someone else right in front of him. Of course he quickly relaized it was just one of my impulsive whims. I needed my own clubhouse to be myself. Occasionally i invited Sophie in to watch movies with me. Always breakfast at tiffanys or something with subtitles. My space made me feel some privacy that i didnt actually have. I realized this when people would tell me they really loved my space and although smiling and saying thanks, inside i would feel so violated. I dont know why I just hid in my space sometimes and needed it to be a secret. I wanted people to feel surprised by my work. Plus I was always in flux i never kept any really finished things in there. even the yellow guy was kinda kicked out when he was finished. I always dispose of the finished works by exhiling them from my world. I was never sure why, but it's just my relationship style. I love you when I can work on you and change you into what I want and you in turn listen to me and support my thoughts. Once I finish a piece we no longer have a dialogue everything I said with it is finished and I cant change it. We try to talk, i stare at it sometimes. But i never can truly let it in again.
Am I the same with people as I am with my work, thats not important right now. I dont even know why you brought that up. I Need to make art SEE. YEAH SEE. i can always date someone. whether there the nest for me or not, is really just small details. BUT I CANT ALWAYS MAke ART> for the first time in my life. 22 is a bitch, and also i complain more than I girl really should. I will always remeber. 21 party, 22 bitch, 23 sculpture.....
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I luv u.
ReplyDeleteYou put up some crazy striped Ralph Lauren bear sheets between our ex-lab spaces once. I wasn't offended, just confused. That shit was distracting.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about my work once it's finished. You are just sort of over it. You have to toss it out to make room for new ideas and projects to grow. But I think you always carry it with you anyway because it's a little part of your soul.
donna was offended too, and she looked at me strange and was like "this doesn't affect your art?" thats the point where i got offended and threw her ass down and "you listen to me donna Teddy bears were once very repected" she started crying and walked away. long story short, you werent the only one. I love you when am I going to see you again.
ReplyDeletehaha. You are the best.
ReplyDeleteI will see you in 2011. My birthday is in January. Let's meet for a drink.