hoodrat chick... I have no idea what will happen in this future. all i know is that i have a love. my sculpture and it guides me in a way that nothing else has before. it makes me brave and ambitious. as much of a mess as I tend to be it is the only stability I have had in my life. I am so greatful to have found a passion. NoW to find my way out of this situation. out of the thoughts. to stop remembering everyday what happened the last time i went back. the guilt. the hospital bed, her horrified eyes, it had been 2 years. to see her in such a state. to cry. to be horrified. horrified by the addict, how it had overcome her. worse off than before she still wanted more. People dying for these things these escapes from their lives. I ask her with my eyes. is it really so painful that you cannot go through this existence this world. the death the destruction can you not find freedom from these? what about the birds singing? the feeling of the sculpture? the love of your child? the laughter of friends? How many of you have to die? you want freedom from yourself but you enslave those around you in pain. I have yet to know where these thoughts will lead me. May the tears never flood all at once. just these slow trickles of emotion, thought and understanding. an amount that I can handle, until someday I understand, oh to feel so alone in a world so full, how the soul must ache. May your second chance suit you well. May your loneliness subside and grant you with understanding of yourself. May all of your ducks line up in a row and fly in a flock to a more tropical paradise. May you see that there is more to life than running away from yourself. If only you could feel my hope for you. MAYBE SOMEHOW YOU CAN.
