Metaphorical feelings caution hazardous waste

Sometimes I think about this one romance I had. This guy had made me this wonderful necklace. We were sitting together talking and drinking and I leaned forward. The necklace hit my glass and broke off and shattered off of the necklace. I just remember thinking, feeling, like by breaking that necklace in that moment I had broken the romance. The sentimentality had leapt out of the necklace and turned into something else.

The rest of the night was fun and the romance continued.  It's just so weird, I had felt so guilty. Almost like someone who accidentally runs over a dog. 

Maybe it's crazy. But something was lost.

I used to wait for what seemed like hours for my mom at the bus stop in reality it was maybe an hour to a half hour. I just remember always being the last kid there. One year I was recruited to help the secretary In the principles office organize files at the bus stop. Often I would just be alone with my thoughts. Mostly I would assume she had been in a car crash and was late because she was enduring some near death experience and if I was patient enough she would make it out alive and come rescue me from my tormented boredom and morbidity. I also used to make these odd bets. If I can hold my breath for fifteen seconds she will be here In the next five minutes. Sometimes it would just get crazy these bets. If I can hold my breath until a red car passes I won't go to hell. 

Maybe I made a bet on the necklace. If I can keep this in tact this will last.

I think the bets represent an underlying problem. If I have to make a bet to feel that I'm in control of a situation then I'm uncomfortable, and possibly in a situation where I'm emotionally compromised. I just realized that, like right now. 

Emo.

Wanna bet?

Hate you,

             BECA