longing for more and still satisfied. That is the place I like to be in life. others however whine and complain, i have started to fake wince. Feigning pity. why do people want so much to be pitied?
today at work someone was in a bad mood. I thought it was funny. Being in a bad mood over stupid rude people. I don't know not really worth my time. but people have bad days.
everyone at work was having one. I was happy but i felt odd being that I was perpetually letting the busy time roll of my back. I guess i couldn't help my natural tendency to realize that my life could be so much harder. maybe their lives used to be easier?
but everyones different/ i can handle a lot i guess.
except when it comes to my heart. i wear that shit "on my sleeve"
that shit smarts. yesterday I thought i was dying when i cute boy said hello to me. i realized later i was just blushing super hardcore and that had never happened to me before. My face felt hot and my ears too. i guess i couldnt see my face so i didnt realize until i googled it later. a hot face means a red face and blah blah blah a full on face woodie. JESUS i cant handle myself. in time and with a lot of sedatives i can cotrol the severity of my reactions.
it is good to be intense though. it is just a tough road to travel.I love people but they affect me to the core of my being. today at work someone brought me and apple it was nice. I felt like the mix of a teacher and someone awesome.
People scare me. People excite me. work was slightly dramatic i pulled through and gained my mood. my sarcasm. I tried to spar with somoene but in hindsight i might have offended someone without saying anything true or offensive. Im not sure if thats a super power or if someone is just overlly sensitive. To be my friend they should have to get used to it as i mean no harm. In fact it is all in affection. I have the showy type of love with the flowers and guns.
as for my love life I have been trying to extinguish it after speaking with rob friday I realize I have been going about things all wrong. Not from anything he said I just somehow had a feeling that I needed to end everything I have going and start fresh with a clean slate. I want nothing so I can see clearly, see everything. Not sure that makes sense but I see it clearly. you know, now that the rain is gone? get it? get it? come on? thats sorta funny!
okay I reread that and its not funny. I dont know it is hard having a voice in writting. I just try to write the way I am thinking it. lots of run ons and fragments but damn I can hear myself.
My life is getting itself together. i wish i had time tomorrow to think but i work until exhaustion. tuesday though i get to feel my life hug my soul. I get to work only half a day. and for now that is my weekend. it hugs my soul, the blanket that is and I look at the clock it is 11 a.m. i make coffee. send an e-mail. watch will and grace, run a ferrand (a fun errand) Do my hair. remember to charge everything. this is tuesday. DEAR GOD I LOVE TUESDAY.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment