happy new year.
cant wait to go back to new york and be an asshole, im serious, im rude
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
oh agnes please cure my badness
So, WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PROBLEM. dear God in heaven who the hell am I and why on earth did I do that?
well obvious reasons.
Alcohol. Stupidity. latent sub conscious feelings.
WHY AM I MATuring so slowly?
when am i gonna get my boobs?
oh shit i already have them. when are they gonna flatten down and not be important anymore. im tired of wanting and longing. I just want to be happy. it's a damn cycle first comes happy then comes trying to be that happy again all the time. GRATIFICATION IS A BITCH.
i wonder if the 2 years I have left on my insurance covers therapy. I wonder if using my friends for such things would cost me more money than therapy in the long run. lets compare all this to a rousing drug addiction to cure my ails. AHHHH if only i could make more sculpture and cure more pain I wouldnt be acting out. I would be listening to that same strokes album and creating something disturbingly hilarious. SHIT!
anyways this will be good for the book. this is the part where i become the loveable badguy. im headed for great change. in 2 years or less I dont think anyone will know me anymore. cue: Blur- on my own.
p.s. I need to write me some rules to follow. next post
well obvious reasons.
Alcohol. Stupidity. latent sub conscious feelings.
WHY AM I MATuring so slowly?
when am i gonna get my boobs?
oh shit i already have them. when are they gonna flatten down and not be important anymore. im tired of wanting and longing. I just want to be happy. it's a damn cycle first comes happy then comes trying to be that happy again all the time. GRATIFICATION IS A BITCH.
i wonder if the 2 years I have left on my insurance covers therapy. I wonder if using my friends for such things would cost me more money than therapy in the long run. lets compare all this to a rousing drug addiction to cure my ails. AHHHH if only i could make more sculpture and cure more pain I wouldnt be acting out. I would be listening to that same strokes album and creating something disturbingly hilarious. SHIT!
anyways this will be good for the book. this is the part where i become the loveable badguy. im headed for great change. in 2 years or less I dont think anyone will know me anymore. cue: Blur- on my own.
p.s. I need to write me some rules to follow. next post
on a scale of 1 to 10
Well so this is it. I am alive and well. NY is some odd days away. I cannot wait to go back and keep moving forward. I dunno being here always puts things in perspective. SUPER BETTER FOR MY SOUL> i never would come back here. i feel bad saying that but this place is fucked up and it messes with my head. So many good people and bad things. I wanna go where nobody knows my name. HAHA wtf. anyways .movin on.on my own.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
deathly
What a mess.
I said while looking in the mirror. It wasn't about the heckle deckle way i looked. It was more a state of affairs. just thinking on the last few months i feel so lucky and at the same time I am longing for some stability. Geez and my fantasy life is running rampant. OMG i cant believe some of the things I have been thinking HAHA
geez well nvm those thoughts have been replaced by impending doomness of money troubles and how to start a drug cartel and not to mention countless attempts to clean my rooom have failed and left me worrying about my energy level and what it might mean if after attempting to do this for 4 days failing if something is going on with my body that i might worry about, like perhaps hypochondria. AHHHH i feel so whack lately. I want to ignore eeryone fall of the face of the earth and just be alone for a while. truly alone like that Incubus song that no one listens to anymore. thats what i mean that song is so alone because no one listens to it. Opportunity keeps knocking at my door, unless it's the chinese delivery guy i am not opening it. I am hungry and in no mood for narcissistic topics of conversation, lets talk about the weather, it snowed yesterday. I know right coldest day of the year whats next? i dont know, i eat the spring roll first or last but never in the middle.
im going to go get a coffee. I think something happened where i need one.crash and burn.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
i helped make this rap song/ i sang one line.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/kk27wl
this song was produced by alex Marans. with michael owens jones rapping and zac shavrick giving a sample. Also I say "we different" like a million times.
this song was produced by alex Marans. with michael owens jones rapping and zac shavrick giving a sample. Also I say "we different" like a million times.
Monday, November 29, 2010
some things never change
Well here I am. I know TRENDY! Williamsburg is so uh. well I do love the place. but I dont love my lifestyle seeing as although I live rent free in williamsburg I live out of a suitcase or three rather. HOW? and for 6 months trying to make it in this godforsaken city. I dunno if they should build mosque in ground zero but I sure want to make some more sculptures before I die.
I have jobs out my ass and I am so tired. Not of working but rather of not really making some art. I have sketches and tinkerings and proposals. I know VAPID. im bored just thinking about it. I need my machines and supplies and I just cant do it here. it would be rude to art up my aunts apartment. dear god how I would love to be rude. I cant be that rude it must be a texan modesty I have permanently acquired by well, growing up in Texas?
Fuck that place. Just kidding. I mean kinda. i might go back for christmas so I have to save face. I do look forward to not having soot on my face. my texas skin is so smooth and sweet.
I hate needing to have some private space to make work. I think i have always been that way. even when I shared a studio with dan I made a tent around my space to separate us. He seemed offended like we had been dating and I had broken up with him and was sleeping with someone else right in front of him. Of course he quickly relaized it was just one of my impulsive whims. I needed my own clubhouse to be myself. Occasionally i invited Sophie in to watch movies with me. Always breakfast at tiffanys or something with subtitles. My space made me feel some privacy that i didnt actually have. I realized this when people would tell me they really loved my space and although smiling and saying thanks, inside i would feel so violated. I dont know why I just hid in my space sometimes and needed it to be a secret. I wanted people to feel surprised by my work. Plus I was always in flux i never kept any really finished things in there. even the yellow guy was kinda kicked out when he was finished. I always dispose of the finished works by exhiling them from my world. I was never sure why, but it's just my relationship style. I love you when I can work on you and change you into what I want and you in turn listen to me and support my thoughts. Once I finish a piece we no longer have a dialogue everything I said with it is finished and I cant change it. We try to talk, i stare at it sometimes. But i never can truly let it in again.
Am I the same with people as I am with my work, thats not important right now. I dont even know why you brought that up. I Need to make art SEE. YEAH SEE. i can always date someone. whether there the nest for me or not, is really just small details. BUT I CANT ALWAYS MAke ART> for the first time in my life. 22 is a bitch, and also i complain more than I girl really should. I will always remeber. 21 party, 22 bitch, 23 sculpture.....
I have jobs out my ass and I am so tired. Not of working but rather of not really making some art. I have sketches and tinkerings and proposals. I know VAPID. im bored just thinking about it. I need my machines and supplies and I just cant do it here. it would be rude to art up my aunts apartment. dear god how I would love to be rude. I cant be that rude it must be a texan modesty I have permanently acquired by well, growing up in Texas?
Fuck that place. Just kidding. I mean kinda. i might go back for christmas so I have to save face. I do look forward to not having soot on my face. my texas skin is so smooth and sweet.
I hate needing to have some private space to make work. I think i have always been that way. even when I shared a studio with dan I made a tent around my space to separate us. He seemed offended like we had been dating and I had broken up with him and was sleeping with someone else right in front of him. Of course he quickly relaized it was just one of my impulsive whims. I needed my own clubhouse to be myself. Occasionally i invited Sophie in to watch movies with me. Always breakfast at tiffanys or something with subtitles. My space made me feel some privacy that i didnt actually have. I realized this when people would tell me they really loved my space and although smiling and saying thanks, inside i would feel so violated. I dont know why I just hid in my space sometimes and needed it to be a secret. I wanted people to feel surprised by my work. Plus I was always in flux i never kept any really finished things in there. even the yellow guy was kinda kicked out when he was finished. I always dispose of the finished works by exhiling them from my world. I was never sure why, but it's just my relationship style. I love you when I can work on you and change you into what I want and you in turn listen to me and support my thoughts. Once I finish a piece we no longer have a dialogue everything I said with it is finished and I cant change it. We try to talk, i stare at it sometimes. But i never can truly let it in again.
Am I the same with people as I am with my work, thats not important right now. I dont even know why you brought that up. I Need to make art SEE. YEAH SEE. i can always date someone. whether there the nest for me or not, is really just small details. BUT I CANT ALWAYS MAke ART> for the first time in my life. 22 is a bitch, and also i complain more than I girl really should. I will always remeber. 21 party, 22 bitch, 23 sculpture.....
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
one of my favorite movies
click below to watch:LOVE ME IF YOU DARE
"Jeux d'enfants ('Child's play') or 'Love me if you dare' is a love story born of a game of truth or dare gone out of control."
Monday, February 22, 2010
some stuff I like for some reasons
seeing a baloon upside down is interesting because it is just an uncommon sight.
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