YOU KNOW I know, i know you know, you know i know you know, i know you know i know you know. just saying it's out there

DUDES omg I am completely ridiculous. my life is so interesting right now. my thoughts are very clear, i sleep so calm and settled. i am wilder than ever

like a vicious lioness.

Before these past few months things were so rocky. like hurty rocky, my life and feelings were all jumbly and messy and gross and I was so lonely even though i saw my friends all the time.

SO WHAT THE FUCK CHANGED?

a lot. everything. nothing. only the important stuff. surrounding myself with good people was a big step. I also had to debunk a little. kind of ween off some of the bad characters in life. that was super important. but aside from all of that I feel that i am moving and progressing in such a positive way. I am also kind of learning more so how to be an adult.

don't worry Im still the same jerky cocky little wiener. i got pain in the ass mastered. haha ass master. immature? whatever immature is funny.

i wish i could write more but this is the interweb and anyone can have access and as paranoid as i like to avoid being. I feel that one must always try to exercise ea reasonable amount of caution with these things.

also for some reason, well not no reason, but I got a strange feeling about a certain issue that concerns a couple of months ago. also a sensitive topic. not really for me but i have no idea who. if anyone. reads this. it's hard to also verbalize this topic it is strange. i have never encountered it and also i have no idea of the proper way to have or still handle it. it did scare me though. people are weird. they get haughty, territorial, jealous, sabatorial, competitive, and just downright ugly sometimes. but uh i have recently came into clarity about that too.

some friends had told me some fucking bull about people getting weird when their going through a hard time. but you ever notice that some folks are always going through a hard time? even if they are actually fine? just a thought. people get addicted to stress. i dont need that shit. dont want it. fuck all that mess. i get stressed too but damn let shit go. life happens once.

i also learned about too good to be true. that shit smarts. and im a sucker for a smile and a bribe of words. oh yeah this is all free take take take. then I turned around and BAM! just got fucked over. it's a damn shame how young nice people can get taken advantage of, RIGHT SALLIE MAE? bitch. haha jk i love that hoe. but seriously be careful everyone has needs and agendas and i think it's best to look for people who are straightforward. nice and timid can be a molotov cocktail for sneaky manipulative and passive aggressive. when I was 20 i learned (harshly) that not everyone has good deep down inside, but i keep trying to find that in some people anyways. i got all this hope and shit. dreams of prosper and beauty. I sleep with a sense that I am doing my best and hoping everyone else is too. but man people are so complicated. and i used to try to fix them. Change comes from within. you have to find some light within yourself and bring it out.

i really am super stoked about lots of things, funny, at the same time, i am processing my last year, understanding what I have been doing with my time. i've done a lot and it may look like a little but it's not about instant gratification. I want this shit to last im preparing myself, working hard, and learning so much about life.

im not nice

im not nice.
i have the mean gene.
sometimes i say some shit and it's like smacking myself in the face.
self control/hard
nice/weird for me
shit/too late
honestly/im not gonna apologize
pride/i've got too much
hate/hater
my bad/ you started it
funny/ how it started
oh well/ always happens
use to it/ gonna happen again/ forever
infinite/ this pattern
life/ not infinite
chances/ i will only get so many
damn/ i hate making mends
bridges/ broken.
big deal/ what i make of it
reality = small fries

mad feelings yo

sometimes i just dont know..
sometimes you just cant ask yo mama.
sometimes you just gotta grow
life gets hard
lonely and cold
imma just call it growin old