Wednesday, June 13, 2012

thinking about

fixing the typos in my last post.

he keeps telling me im crazy.

they all say that. right before I kill them.

does anybody read this????

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

redefine the impossible.

thats what is written on my bracelet.

I had stop wearing it when some dude was telling our class abot how how he didnt understand jewelry and saw it as meaningless decoration. Then i realized i didnt have to listen to everyone so much and maybe i shoudl just go on and do what I feel like. it's really odd though whne someone you look up to gives you bad advice.  I hope to never plant bad seeds or a least to plant mroe good than bad.


i must go seize. conquer. Non ridere, non lugere, neque detestari, sed intelligere!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Notes on Camus

Okay so I know I'm on a serious literati binge. I just bought the Notebooks on Albert Camus and I find them to be surprisingly fresh. Meaning that I find them super insightful and well I will just...........


START.

"He gives no details about the different jobs he took to earn a living, or about his other personal and emotional difficulties, but the honesty with which he mentions his horror of work and the frequency with which he returns to the problem of loneliness do invite us to make a number of guesses about the kind of person he was:"

Just the whole sentence. I mean work, where do I begin, it really tears at me to have to wake up and do something I do not love. Although, I do appreciate the perspective which I have opportunity to gain through experience about the importance of doing what one loves if only for the preservation of the soul.

On loneliness: I may find the most loneliness in the interstitial. In the longing for something else when the present wont do. Within myself when the outside cannot distract. Outside when the superficial attacks conversation. It is found everywhere. In the same essence solace can be found everywhere both things can be healthy and unhealthy. I find the most fruitful thought when I am by myself. but in those instances I don't feel alone, my mind is alive and fervent building the world around us and making sense of the colors that we cant even see.

I enjoyed this: "Life is short and it is a sin to waste one's time. I waste my time all day long while other people say I do a great deal"                            

To never feel finished. Seems to just be a state of existence.

" I ask of people more than they can give me. It is useless to maintain the contrary. But what a mistake and what despair. And myself perhaps....."

This one, the most throbbing of all.

" You go to see an older friend to tell him everything. Or, at least, something which is stifling you. But he is in a hurry. You talk about everything and about nothing at all. The time to speak has gone. And here I am, more alone and empty than before. How a careless word from a friend escaping my presence will lay waste this feeble wisdom that I am trying to construct! 'Non ridere, no lugere (from Nietzsche: The meaning of knowing.— Non ridere, non lugere, neque detestari, sed intelligere! [Not to laugh, not to lament, nor to detest but to understand.]) ...and doubts about myself and about other people."


I guess I could relate to that. I always seem to lean towards the deeper conversation. I dont always meet up with equal fascination about the meaning of this and that. Right versus wrong. and of course my guilt ridden youth has gutted some conversation of mine for a while. So i relate to not being able to relate. not always but that paragraph did strike me. I felt it, before, those feelings, that longing, the need. Sometimes one must look within.

Camus also loves talking about the weather. Which I love too. Small talk to some but it's everywhere. The weather. Everyone sees it and knows it, and thats amazing. Wow ignore my weather lust.


Last for now. Camus writes in March 1936

"my joy is endless"

Just thought to end on a nice note. hope you EnJOYed <3

-beca

p.s. Does anybody read this?