yo

happy new year.
cant wait to go back to new york and be an asshole, im serious, im rude

oh agnes please cure my badness

So, WHAT THE FUCK IS MY PROBLEM. dear God in heaven who the hell am I and why on earth did I do that?

well obvious reasons.
Alcohol. Stupidity. latent sub conscious feelings.

WHY AM I MATuring so slowly?
when am i gonna get my boobs?
oh shit i already have them. when are they gonna flatten down and not be important anymore. im tired of wanting and longing. I just want to be happy. it's a damn cycle first comes happy then comes trying to be that happy again all the time. GRATIFICATION IS A BITCH.
i wonder if the 2 years I have left on my insurance covers therapy. I wonder if using my friends for such things would cost me more money than therapy in the long run. lets compare all this to a rousing drug addiction to cure my ails. AHHHH if only i could make more sculpture and cure more pain I wouldnt be acting out. I would be listening to that same strokes album and creating something disturbingly hilarious. SHIT!
anyways this will be good for the book. this is the part where i become the loveable badguy. im headed for great change. in 2 years or less I dont think anyone will know me anymore. cue: Blur- on my own.

p.s. I need to write me some rules to follow. next post

on a scale of 1 to 10

Well so this is it. I am alive and well. NY is some odd days away. I cannot wait to go back and keep moving forward. I dunno being here always puts things in perspective. SUPER BETTER FOR MY SOUL> i never would come back here. i feel bad saying that but this place is fucked up and it messes with my head. So many good people and bad things. I wanna go where nobody knows my name. HAHA wtf. anyways .movin on.on my own.

im fucking hungry

feed me asshole

deathly

What a mess.

I said while looking in the mirror. It wasn't about the heckle deckle way i looked. It was more a state of affairs. just thinking on the last few months i feel so lucky and at the same time I am longing for some stability. Geez and my fantasy life is running rampant. OMG i cant believe some of the things I have been thinking HAHA

geez well nvm those thoughts have been replaced by impending doomness of money troubles and how to start a drug cartel and not to mention countless attempts to clean my rooom have failed and left me worrying about my energy level and what it might mean if after attempting to do this for 4 days failing if something is going on with my body that i might worry about, like perhaps hypochondria. AHHHH i feel so whack lately. I want to ignore eeryone fall of the face of the earth and just be alone for a while. truly alone like that Incubus song that no one listens to anymore. thats what i mean that song is so alone because no one listens to it. Opportunity keeps knocking at my door, unless it's the chinese delivery guy i am not opening it. I am hungry and in no mood for narcissistic topics of conversation, lets talk about the weather, it snowed yesterday. I know right coldest day of the year whats next? i dont know, i eat the spring roll first or last but never in the middle.

im going to go get a coffee. I think something happened where i need one.crash and burn.