SO someone should drive me to the scrapyard in exchange for......... something cool?
ahh i dont know, gas and uh something cool.
I will make a to do list.
1.troubleshoot welder.
2. Call Jomar
3. make price list.
4. clean room again.
5. finally check work e-mail.
6. clean up supply closet.
7. take pictures
8. Publish and use Visual resume.
write actual blog entry?
buy candy
eat candy
SLEEP
Friday, April 27, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Failure for the Future. positivism? a must today. HAHA
UH SO I BROKE MY KILN..
it kind of exploded and
all of this wonderfully black smoke was spewing out of the control box last Wednesday night.
Needless to say I was wonderfully sad about all of this, but well I am going to learn how to fix many many kiln problems. Many more that is, o gee I am running out of patience with patience.
who knows maybe I will only have to replace the burned out wires. MAYBE I WILL CRY? doubtful however anything could happen. ANYTHING. what a world..... dot dot dot dot
"
anywhoowhatsit
thats right it's a useless transitional word and I don't care. I LIKE USELESS TRANSITIONS. they give me time to think more before I speak or time to not put my foot in my mouth, as much.
also felt....I got my hands on a whole bunch of felt and I HAVE BEEN MAKING STUFF> the non functional kind of stuff. you know what I mean, I dont have to say it, okay okay okay okay I will say it, stop pressuring me I dont like pressure. Who am I kidding.
MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
anywhoo HAHA
I have been making sculpture. SHHH dont tell anyone. You have no right. im not gonna show anyone yet. it's a secret like something great that you want no one else to have.
yesterday I was told some odd yet nice things, my neighbor has this pianter from Peru staying with us and he told me I was like an orchid that hadnt bloomed yet which was semi nice. but you know the i'm like a seed in dirt part was annoying. i mean well whatever. haha it was semi nice.
whoziewatsit.
Friday, January 6, 2012
THE INCESANT DANGLE
What is the point at which one stop verging on the edge and makes that big leap.
Where does all the work go?
HOW DID I GET HERE??????????????????????
seriously though, i feel like a busy stagnant fuck. obviously something has to change or I could end up here in this eternal loophole forever. AHHH
Since when do I have time never, energy at this point is store bought and why on earth did I eat so much today and I am still not full. I know what you're thinking...... MAD PREGNANT. I'm just gonna throw this out there, THAT is impossible. Frankly, anything is possible, anything but that at least.
I need to make More lists and work more harder (BAD GRAMMAR)..............
Also I need to well stop complaining so much> WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF>
maybe it's the sudden lack of stability that has got me all in a fuss. I more so like going from one rock to a bigger more stable one and well I thought thats what I was doing because that's what I was told, but now im not so sure.
It is okay to not be sure but well in another way there is some discomfort in not knowing what is going to happen next. I find myself treading lighlty when I should be making strides.
I am too much of the nervous type i need to grow a metaphor, the metaphor that I need to grow is balls. But i am sorta ballsy. Oh my, hell on fire, razor blades in my mout,h blood in my heart pulsating with maddness, what is a 'poor girl' to do?
FIGURE THINGS OUT BECA YOU DONT HAVE ALL DAY!
I wonder if anyone ever reads this, and if anyone ever gets enjoyment out os all of the questions I ask myself everyday. i'm too vague I am sure things get boring once the vagueness sets in.
There is so much to do I just really hope I am spending my time THAT I WILL NOT GET BACK on the right things. I need to always make sure everyday that I am spending my time wisely. there is no excuse for wasting the limited time I have.
blah blah blah bye
Where does all the work go?
HOW DID I GET HERE??????????????????????
seriously though, i feel like a busy stagnant fuck. obviously something has to change or I could end up here in this eternal loophole forever. AHHH
Since when do I have time never, energy at this point is store bought and why on earth did I eat so much today and I am still not full. I know what you're thinking...... MAD PREGNANT. I'm just gonna throw this out there, THAT is impossible. Frankly, anything is possible, anything but that at least.
I need to make More lists and work more harder (BAD GRAMMAR)..............
Also I need to well stop complaining so much> WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF>
maybe it's the sudden lack of stability that has got me all in a fuss. I more so like going from one rock to a bigger more stable one and well I thought thats what I was doing because that's what I was told, but now im not so sure.
It is okay to not be sure but well in another way there is some discomfort in not knowing what is going to happen next. I find myself treading lighlty when I should be making strides.
I am too much of the nervous type i need to grow a metaphor, the metaphor that I need to grow is balls. But i am sorta ballsy. Oh my, hell on fire, razor blades in my mout,h blood in my heart pulsating with maddness, what is a 'poor girl' to do?
FIGURE THINGS OUT BECA YOU DONT HAVE ALL DAY!
I wonder if anyone ever reads this, and if anyone ever gets enjoyment out os all of the questions I ask myself everyday. i'm too vague I am sure things get boring once the vagueness sets in.
There is so much to do I just really hope I am spending my time THAT I WILL NOT GET BACK on the right things. I need to always make sure everyday that I am spending my time wisely. there is no excuse for wasting the limited time I have.
blah blah blah bye
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
"You need a little less than what you take for granted"
SO MUCH!
Life persists to be annoying and complicated. My life always will be I have to get used to it so I can later call it interesting. Actually I love quite a lot but last week was action packed I did one of the three things it takes to be a true new yorker, now all i have to do is kill a roach with my bear hands and steal a cab from someone that needs it more than i do.
The "job market" <--- as informed by my putting it in quotes, is non-existent. I will still well apply my ass off. although last time I got called for interviews it was 2 months after I had applied and I got three calls. Thats a fucking long time and anyone that knows me well knows I am not the patient type. time to re-strategize....
in fact my rules as follows includes the above mentioned:
1. No waiting
2. No sharing of things that I can barely afford for myself
3. When I say "no" I mean it so dont ask me again or I reserve the right to BE AN ASSHOLE!
Lets just say that these rules dont apply to close friends... most times the "no" rule is pretty much for everyone. only because I say no only when i truly mean it.
I just looked at the available jobs to apply to and found myself in a well snake pit of things I dont want to do.
If I am already doing things I sorta like why the fuck should settle.... I shall not,.
emphasis on 'sorta' in sorta like.
haha omg i used sorta instead of sort of, i am already starting to figure out why the job market is shallow for me. I am a picky illiterate "sunavabitch"
well I am boring myself arent I?
YES!
POST OVER>>>>>>>>>> JUST UH HAD TO
UPDATE : status quo
OUTDATE: my fashion
DEbATE: my life
ReBATE: what verizon didn't send me
DUE DATE: soon.
ESCALATE: the situation!
Life persists to be annoying and complicated. My life always will be I have to get used to it so I can later call it interesting. Actually I love quite a lot but last week was action packed I did one of the three things it takes to be a true new yorker, now all i have to do is kill a roach with my bear hands and steal a cab from someone that needs it more than i do.
The "job market" <--- as informed by my putting it in quotes, is non-existent. I will still well apply my ass off. although last time I got called for interviews it was 2 months after I had applied and I got three calls. Thats a fucking long time and anyone that knows me well knows I am not the patient type. time to re-strategize....
in fact my rules as follows includes the above mentioned:
1. No waiting
2. No sharing of things that I can barely afford for myself
3. When I say "no" I mean it so dont ask me again or I reserve the right to BE AN ASSHOLE!
Lets just say that these rules dont apply to close friends... most times the "no" rule is pretty much for everyone. only because I say no only when i truly mean it.
I just looked at the available jobs to apply to and found myself in a well snake pit of things I dont want to do.
If I am already doing things I sorta like why the fuck should settle.... I shall not,.
emphasis on 'sorta' in sorta like.
haha omg i used sorta instead of sort of, i am already starting to figure out why the job market is shallow for me. I am a picky illiterate "sunavabitch"
well I am boring myself arent I?
YES!
POST OVER>>>>>>>>>> JUST UH HAD TO
UPDATE : status quo
OUTDATE: my fashion
DEbATE: my life
ReBATE: what verizon didn't send me
DUE DATE: soon.
ESCALATE: the situation!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Soul Fucker
Oh hey blog filled with me talking to myself about my things that arent actual objects.
Get it together beca......fine okay I will.
eyes adjust........
I was recently wondering very vigorously about a question I will never ask. these things in life that eat at you so hard may not ever be questions that are solved. maybe that is why they sink themselves so deeply in the thoughts because they are ever present questions. the only things that can answer my questions are time. The mind thinks it knows the answer but also time is just important. I takes time for real things to happen, substantive things. it always happens that these questions are only ever solved in one moment but it takes time to get to that moment. consider the work and the living that leads up to all these wonderful moments. all the experiences good and bad had to have happened.
What am i even getting at? Am I being to vague? I don't hold myself accountable to these questions. they just exist within me and i have no control. the control is in the censoring. the lack of advertising my true questions in the questioning of questions.
Have you ever watched someone destroy themselves?
it is pretty interesting. I have seen so many form of this and even within myself. I feel that everyone has a bit of it, some are worse of than others and others are so complex with it. one of the more interesting self destruction techniques involves many types of self sabotage spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and always unaware. Understanding why people do those things to themselves is such a puzzle sometimes. I know a guy who is just always trying to fiercly prove to himself he is a man, i wonder if he grew up without a father, or with a demeaning father, or with no father and a mother who hated men. BLAME THE PARENTS? perhaps it is not even their fault, the school system, the chips on your should put on their by little timmy in 5th grade, ashley noticed my nose when i was 15 and her comment about blackheads causes me to always pick at them and scar my nose..of that I have been fully aware. it is the things i am unaware of that i find perplexing and what i have seen from people who are unaware of their own weaknesses and constantly taking advantage of themselves. people need people to protect them from themselves. who is going to save you from yourself if your parents couldn't do it? but this is just a thought gone to far.... a question............made up answers.........self directed existence.
Here is a definition form the devils dictionary that i liked.....found funny
Advice: The smallest current coin.
Example:
Tim: The man was in such deep distress said tom that i could do no less than give him good advice
jim: if less could have been done for him, i know you well enough my son to know that's what you would have done.
baddabing thats funny. what a mean dad. see now that kid probably always grew up thinking everything he did wasnt good enough.
his dad was right though and that kid grew up inside each and every one of us. little bigfat americans wokring our hands to the nub and working our nubs to nothing. thank God for Coca Cola which refreshes me after a long day of work and replenishes my fat that I will one dayuse to enhances my sagged ragged face when i get older. and the retirement money from social security that I will use for collagen and breast implants at age 64. AMERICAAAAAA<3. seriously though..
Soul fucker is a great title.
Children are the future, not now.
Get it together beca......fine okay I will.
eyes adjust........
I was recently wondering very vigorously about a question I will never ask. these things in life that eat at you so hard may not ever be questions that are solved. maybe that is why they sink themselves so deeply in the thoughts because they are ever present questions. the only things that can answer my questions are time. The mind thinks it knows the answer but also time is just important. I takes time for real things to happen, substantive things. it always happens that these questions are only ever solved in one moment but it takes time to get to that moment. consider the work and the living that leads up to all these wonderful moments. all the experiences good and bad had to have happened.
What am i even getting at? Am I being to vague? I don't hold myself accountable to these questions. they just exist within me and i have no control. the control is in the censoring. the lack of advertising my true questions in the questioning of questions.
Have you ever watched someone destroy themselves?
it is pretty interesting. I have seen so many form of this and even within myself. I feel that everyone has a bit of it, some are worse of than others and others are so complex with it. one of the more interesting self destruction techniques involves many types of self sabotage spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and always unaware. Understanding why people do those things to themselves is such a puzzle sometimes. I know a guy who is just always trying to fiercly prove to himself he is a man, i wonder if he grew up without a father, or with a demeaning father, or with no father and a mother who hated men. BLAME THE PARENTS? perhaps it is not even their fault, the school system, the chips on your should put on their by little timmy in 5th grade, ashley noticed my nose when i was 15 and her comment about blackheads causes me to always pick at them and scar my nose..of that I have been fully aware. it is the things i am unaware of that i find perplexing and what i have seen from people who are unaware of their own weaknesses and constantly taking advantage of themselves. people need people to protect them from themselves. who is going to save you from yourself if your parents couldn't do it? but this is just a thought gone to far.... a question............made up answers.........self directed existence.
Here is a definition form the devils dictionary that i liked.....found funny
Advice: The smallest current coin.
Example:
Tim: The man was in such deep distress said tom that i could do no less than give him good advice
jim: if less could have been done for him, i know you well enough my son to know that's what you would have done.
baddabing thats funny. what a mean dad. see now that kid probably always grew up thinking everything he did wasnt good enough.
his dad was right though and that kid grew up inside each and every one of us. little bigfat americans wokring our hands to the nub and working our nubs to nothing. thank God for Coca Cola which refreshes me after a long day of work and replenishes my fat that I will one dayuse to enhances my sagged ragged face when i get older. and the retirement money from social security that I will use for collagen and breast implants at age 64. AMERICAAAAAA<3. seriously though..
Soul fucker is a great title.
Children are the future, not now.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
YOU KNOW I know, i know you know, you know i know you know, i know you know i know you know. just saying it's out there
DUDES omg I am completely ridiculous. my life is so interesting right now. my thoughts are very clear, i sleep so calm and settled. i am wilder than ever
like a vicious lioness.
Before these past few months things were so rocky. like hurty rocky, my life and feelings were all jumbly and messy and gross and I was so lonely even though i saw my friends all the time.
SO WHAT THE FUCK CHANGED?
a lot. everything. nothing. only the important stuff. surrounding myself with good people was a big step. I also had to debunk a little. kind of ween off some of the bad characters in life. that was super important. but aside from all of that I feel that i am moving and progressing in such a positive way. I am also kind of learning more so how to be an adult.
don't worry Im still the same jerky cocky little wiener. i got pain in the ass mastered. haha ass master. immature? whatever immature is funny.
i wish i could write more but this is the interweb and anyone can have access and as paranoid as i like to avoid being. I feel that one must always try to exercise ea reasonable amount of caution with these things.
also for some reason, well not no reason, but I got a strange feeling about a certain issue that concerns a couple of months ago. also a sensitive topic. not really for me but i have no idea who. if anyone. reads this. it's hard to also verbalize this topic it is strange. i have never encountered it and also i have no idea of the proper way to have or still handle it. it did scare me though. people are weird. they get haughty, territorial, jealous, sabatorial, competitive, and just downright ugly sometimes. but uh i have recently came into clarity about that too.
some friends had told me some fucking bull about people getting weird when their going through a hard time. but you ever notice that some folks are always going through a hard time? even if they are actually fine? just a thought. people get addicted to stress. i dont need that shit. dont want it. fuck all that mess. i get stressed too but damn let shit go. life happens once.
i also learned about too good to be true. that shit smarts. and im a sucker for a smile and a bribe of words. oh yeah this is all free take take take. then I turned around and BAM! just got fucked over. it's a damn shame how young nice people can get taken advantage of, RIGHT SALLIE MAE? bitch. haha jk i love that hoe. but seriously be careful everyone has needs and agendas and i think it's best to look for people who are straightforward. nice and timid can be a molotov cocktail for sneaky manipulative and passive aggressive. when I was 20 i learned (harshly) that not everyone has good deep down inside, but i keep trying to find that in some people anyways. i got all this hope and shit. dreams of prosper and beauty. I sleep with a sense that I am doing my best and hoping everyone else is too. but man people are so complicated. and i used to try to fix them. Change comes from within. you have to find some light within yourself and bring it out.
i really am super stoked about lots of things, funny, at the same time, i am processing my last year, understanding what I have been doing with my time. i've done a lot and it may look like a little but it's not about instant gratification. I want this shit to last im preparing myself, working hard, and learning so much about life.
like a vicious lioness.
Before these past few months things were so rocky. like hurty rocky, my life and feelings were all jumbly and messy and gross and I was so lonely even though i saw my friends all the time.
SO WHAT THE FUCK CHANGED?
a lot. everything. nothing. only the important stuff. surrounding myself with good people was a big step. I also had to debunk a little. kind of ween off some of the bad characters in life. that was super important. but aside from all of that I feel that i am moving and progressing in such a positive way. I am also kind of learning more so how to be an adult.
don't worry Im still the same jerky cocky little wiener. i got pain in the ass mastered. haha ass master. immature? whatever immature is funny.
i wish i could write more but this is the interweb and anyone can have access and as paranoid as i like to avoid being. I feel that one must always try to exercise ea reasonable amount of caution with these things.
also for some reason, well not no reason, but I got a strange feeling about a certain issue that concerns a couple of months ago. also a sensitive topic. not really for me but i have no idea who. if anyone. reads this. it's hard to also verbalize this topic it is strange. i have never encountered it and also i have no idea of the proper way to have or still handle it. it did scare me though. people are weird. they get haughty, territorial, jealous, sabatorial, competitive, and just downright ugly sometimes. but uh i have recently came into clarity about that too.
some friends had told me some fucking bull about people getting weird when their going through a hard time. but you ever notice that some folks are always going through a hard time? even if they are actually fine? just a thought. people get addicted to stress. i dont need that shit. dont want it. fuck all that mess. i get stressed too but damn let shit go. life happens once.
i also learned about too good to be true. that shit smarts. and im a sucker for a smile and a bribe of words. oh yeah this is all free take take take. then I turned around and BAM! just got fucked over. it's a damn shame how young nice people can get taken advantage of, RIGHT SALLIE MAE? bitch. haha jk i love that hoe. but seriously be careful everyone has needs and agendas and i think it's best to look for people who are straightforward. nice and timid can be a molotov cocktail for sneaky manipulative and passive aggressive. when I was 20 i learned (harshly) that not everyone has good deep down inside, but i keep trying to find that in some people anyways. i got all this hope and shit. dreams of prosper and beauty. I sleep with a sense that I am doing my best and hoping everyone else is too. but man people are so complicated. and i used to try to fix them. Change comes from within. you have to find some light within yourself and bring it out.
i really am super stoked about lots of things, funny, at the same time, i am processing my last year, understanding what I have been doing with my time. i've done a lot and it may look like a little but it's not about instant gratification. I want this shit to last im preparing myself, working hard, and learning so much about life.
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